Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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