I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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