My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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