We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
