non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
