Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do vagina's smell?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
