Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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