Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sext me about skeletons
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
