Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
