If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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