My nipple is on Facebook.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
