shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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