seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
