Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i drank out of a bidet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
