what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
