"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
