went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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