God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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