also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
