I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
