You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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How external is "for external use only"?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.