Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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