the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.