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I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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