How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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