She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
