Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
