I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And then he peed in my hair
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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