Got a toothbrush?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
