420 ftw
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
