part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
