We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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