Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
