And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
