i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
