Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
