Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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