I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
