I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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