I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
