One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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