ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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