WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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