No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
