exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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