Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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