Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
