The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
