why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
