I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
