I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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