As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
