Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
