just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
