he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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