My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize