I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
