Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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