you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
