your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
