He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
