let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
